George Walker Bush, 2008	Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho, 2505
Madam Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens: Seven years have passed since I first stood before you at this rostrum.	Shit.
In that time, our country has been tested in ways none of us could have imagined. We faced hard decisions about peace and war, rising competition in the world economy, and the health and welfare of our citizens.	I know shit's bad right now, wid'all that starvin' bullshit. And the duststorms. And we runnin' out of french fries and burrito coverin's.
All of us were sent to Washington to carry out the people's business. That is the purpose of this body. It is the meaning of our oath. It remains our charge to keep.	But I got a solution.
(Applause.)	That's what you said last time dipshit! I got a solution: you're a dick! SOUTH CAROLINA, WASSUP!
But above all, know this: America will confront those who threaten our troops. We will stand by our allies, and we will defend our vital interests in the Persian Gulf.	(Shoots gun in air.) That's what I THOUGHT!
Our military families also sacrifice for America. They endure sleepless nights and the daily struggle of providing for children while a loved one is serving far from home.	Now I understand everyone's shit's emotional right now, but listen up.
These are difficult times for many American families, and by taking these steps, we can help more of them keep their homes.	I got a three point plan to fix everything.
(Applause.)	Break it down Camacho!
Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to reform Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac,	Number one: we got this guy Not Sure.
modernize the Federal Housing Administration,	Number two: he's got a higher IQ than any man alive!
and allow state housing agencies to issue tax-free bonds to help homeowners refinance their mortgages.	And number three: he's gonna fix everything.
And tonight in this hallowed chamber, with the American people as our witness, we make you a solemn pledge: In the fight ahead, you will have all you need to protect our nation.	I give you my word as president.
America is leading the fight against global hunger. Today, more than half the world's food aid comes from the United States. And tonight, I ask Congress to support an innovative proposal to provide food assistance by purchasing crops directly from farmers in the developing world, so we can build up local agriculture and help break the cycle of famine.	He's gonna fix all the problems with the dead crops; he's gonna make them /grow again/.
Our shared responsibilities extend beyond matters of taxes and spending.	And that ain't all.
Together we should take the next steps: Let us fund new technologies that can generate coal power while capturing carbon emissions. Let us increase the use of renewable power and emissions-free nuclear power. Let us continue investing in advanced battery technology and renewable fuels to power the cars and trucks of the future. Let us create a new international clean technology fund, which will help developing nations like India and China make greater use of clean energy sources. And let us complete an international agreement that has the potential to slow, stop, and eventually reverse the growth of greenhouse gases.	(Singing.) I give you my word: he's gonna fix the dust storms too!
To build a prosperous future, we must trust people with their own money and empower them to grow our economy. As we meet tonight, our economy is undergoing a period of uncertainty. America has added jobs for a record 52 straight months, but jobs are now growing at a slower pace. Wages are up, but so are prices for food and gas. Exports are rising, but the housing market has declined. At kitchen tables across our country, there is a concern about our economic future. In the long run, Americans can be confident about our economic growth. But in the short run, we can all see that that growth is slowing. So last week, my administration reached agreement with Speaker Pelosi and Republican Leader Boehner on a robust growth package that includes tax relief for individuals and families and incentives for business investment. The temptation will be to load up the bill. That would delay it or derail it, and neither option is acceptable. This is a good agreement that will keep our economy growing and our people working. And this Congress must pass it as soon as possible.	(Singing.) I give you my word: he's gonna fiiiiiiiix, the ecomony!
This month in Ramallah and Jerusalem, I assured leaders from both sides that America will do, and I will do, everything we can to help them achieve a peace agreement that defines a Palestinian state by the end of this year.	(Singing.) And he's so smart, he's gonna do it all in one week!

If you don't know who President Camacho is or have never seen the incredibly funny, some might say prophetic, movie Idiocracy then be sure to go see it.